As I am sitting here in this quarantined hospital room, with a mask over my face, my husband hooked up to an IV while lying in the bed next to me, and The Oaks online service playing on my iPhone, I can't describe in words the overwhelming feeling that is coming over me. It is so strong I can hardly catch my breath.
I am reminded of the journey that my family and I have been on over these last few months. In January of this year, Dallas and I both felt that God was preparing us for something big, we kept thinking it was going to be a transition like our jobs or our living location, but God has done something much greater and much more powerful than either of us could have imagined on our own.
On February 6th of this year we found out that we were expecting our second child. The entire time I was pregnant we felt God's peace surrounding us. I kept thinking "this must be the big change that God was preparing us for". I started having some complications in the pregnancy and at 13 weeks along, on April 5th, we found out that I was having a miscarriage. I have never experienced a tragic event in my life that can compare to what we were facing in that moment sitting in the doctor's room.
Fast forward to a few days ago, Friday, July 19th. Dallas had been experiencing severe headaches this past week and started running a fever off and on. He has never experienced a migraine so I kept thinking that it was a really bad migraine…that is until I saw him on that morning. As I was getting ready for the day, I glanced over toward the bed where he was lying. I will never forget the way he looked, it sent chills up my body. He was in so much pain, could not move and looked like he was on his death bed. I knew it was serious and called our primary doctor to get him in that morning.
Our primary doctor goes to our church and is a complete answer to prayer. He saw Dallas and right away saw that something was wrong. He sent us to the ER for Dallas to have a spinal tap procedure to check for meningitis. The word "meningitis" is not one that is talked about often but I knew it was serious. Right after the procedure I went to the cafeteria to get Dallas some food and when I returned he told me that the doctor came back and said the results were positive. The doctor said that as of right now the meningitis looks to be viral but that he would need to be admitted incase it ended up being bacterial. Both are very serious but the bacterial kind is very dangerous, even fatal. Until they have the results (which would take 2 days) they needed to treat him as if it was bacterial. I sat in that dark room (the lights were off because of Dallas's head pain), trying to get used to breathing through the mask that was required for anyone that was near him, updating all of our friends and family with the news while tears fell onto my iPhone. I thought about the reality of this illness, the horrible state my husband was in and our 19-month-old daughter who we wouldn't be able to see until we knew he wasn't contagious.
I had to start fighting fearful thoughts and lies that were in my head but I was reminded through prayer, scripture and wisdom from friends and family that although this is a serious illness, we serve a serious God. The texts, emails, twitter and Facebook posts started flooding in as friends, family and complete strangers starting sending encouraging messages and prayers our way. I was told about prayer chains that started praying for Dallas all over the Nation.
Today is Sunday, July 21st and Dallas has made a complete turnaround. His pain is very mild, they even took him off of some of the medication. He is starting to look and talk like himself and I almost starting crying when I heard him laugh at a joke that Pastor Scott said during the service we are listening to. Despite the fact that I feel like I am in a scene from the movie "Outbreak", I know that he is going to be fine and I know that our healer has healed my husband.
I have been trying to soak in this moment with Dallas. I'd like to call it "pillow talk" even though we are in separate beds and mine is a hard, foldout hospital chair :) We have spent all morning talking about the past few days, months and the journey that we have been on. This is my first blog post which is so long that it seems like a book, but I have a few thoughts that I felt lead to share.
I can look back on my life and the moments and events that stand out to me are not often the easy or simple times as we hope and dream for. A friend once told me "you only grow in pain". That statement has so much truth to it. I am reminded of the verse in Romans that says " We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." I have never experienced growth in my entire life the way I have in these last few months. When I say growth I mean in every way - personally, professionally, as a wife, mom, co-worker and friend. Most important is the level at which I have grown in my relationship with Jesus Christ.
God has shown Dallas and I that the big transition and change that was going to occur was the level at which He was taking us to in our relationship with Him. Throughout the entire process of the miscarriage and this experience with meningitis, God has shown me that He has never left my side. The Bible tells us that Jesus is called "Immanuel" which means "God is with us". This name has become very real to me and God's peace that surpasses all understanding and His sufficient grace has been with us every step of the way.
I am not sure if I am writing this as an encouragement to someone or maybe to share our experience with someone who does not yet know the peace and grace that you can have in Jesus Christ. I promise that he will be the best friend and father that you will ever have.
I do know that Dallas and I want to say thank you to all of our family, friends, Venture community, and Oaks community for all of your prayers, love and support these last few months. Dallas was saying this morning that he feels that the community that surrounds us feels like a reflection of what the Kingdom of heaven will actually be. We love all of you!
Ps. The doctor just came in to tell us the results are negative for bacterial and Dallas can go home tomorrow! We serve a powerful God!
